4 Days - I Love You, Mom!

Ican't believe that in four days from now I will have said goodbye to all my friends in Autlan, loaded up my suitcases in the car, and be boarding a plane to Portland, Oregon.
As I've been packing and preparing to leave this week everything has really become real to me. I've known this day would be coming before I knew it since the summer began, but the summer really did fly by, and I can't believe that it's now just four days away!
Last night I was in my room packing and my mom came in to tell me something. As I was taking down some posters on my wall she asked me if I was excited, and then began to talk about how different it will be when they come back to Autlan in October and I won't be with them. She wasn't able to word very many of her thoughts before she began to cry. My heart instantly began to hurt as I really understood how hard this all is for her. Even though I know it's impossible for me to take away the motherly feelings and how hard this all is for her, I wanted to so badly! As I walked across the room and hugged her for a very long time, the emotional part of it all finally began to hit me as well. I'm excited to go to college and see what God has in store for me as I begin this new chapter, but it will be extremely hard to be away from my family. I am going to miss them so much!!
I'm so glad that they will be with me in Salem for the first 6 weeks! I think it'll help us all. Then once they come back to Autlan, it will only be 2 months before I have Christmas break and come back to visit them. And in the mean time, thank God for Skype, emails, facebook and phone calls. :)

Mom- I love you beyond words and I am going to miss you so, so so much when I leave. I admire you and look up to you in more ways than you know. You are an amazing mother, and an incredible woman of God. Thank you for teaching me all that you do, and for always being there for me every single time I need you. Thank you for being my friend when I feel lonely or need someone to talk to. Thank you for being a role model for me and how to live my life for Christ. Thank you for teaching me how to change diapers, and cook, for teaching me to read, and to be confident in the person God created me to be. The list goes on and on, and I could never thank you enough for all that you've taught and will continue to teach me, the person you've been and will forever be in my life. I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me, and how much I love you. Thanks for being the best mom I could ever ask for....I love you Mom!!

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Good Day

Sometimes I get this feeling inside me, that when people ask how I am or how my day ways, I honestly can't tell them with words. I feel like they can't understand how it really was if I tell them with words, even though I wish so badly they could understand and feel what I feel. Today was one of those days.

This week was a very difficult one for me. I've been having some health problems since May, and this week it really hit me hard. I had to go to the hospital and it has all just worn me out. We are still uncertain of what I have, but we are in the process of trying to figure it out. So the majority of this week was spent with several doctors, specialists, lots of resting, medicine, and lots of blood drawn.

I spent the majority of the week resting and pretty discouraged not knowing what exactly I'm sick with. Today's Saturday, and God blessed me with a great day to end the week.

La Roca church spent the day together in fellowship at a small water park in Autlan. We had such a fun day! It was great to cool off from the hot, Mexico sun in the cool water, play basketball, go down the water slides 50+ times, smile, laugh and joke around with family and friends, have a delicious mexican lunch, and just enjoy the day with brothers and sisters in Christ.

About five o'clock we left the water park, went home and took a quick shower, and headed out to the center for youth night. Sunburnt backs, tired bodies and still with smiles on our faces.

Not really sure what youth night would be like this week, I was definitely surprised. There were 27 kids there tonight! Praise the Lord! A lot of them were younger kids, more middle school aged, which we've been trying to reach out to high school aged kids more, but we are glad they came, nonetheless.

We hung out and played some Kajabi can can, when about 7:30 we were blessed with a great surprise. Isai was at the gate. He had come for youth night!! Everyone immediately stopped playing and made their way towards the gate. He was swarmed with hugs, and smiles filled the faces of everyone there. His was so big, I could tell from the very second I saw him that he was absolutely extatic to be there. SO AMAZING! We talked and joked around for another half an hour, and everything felt so natural, so normal. With Isai there, lots of kids, everyone having fun and talking with each other, goofing around....I could feel God there. He truly blessed us beyond words tonight.

After a while we headed up for worship time. Isai was the first to make his way up, and I followed behind him. Brent was already up in the breeze way praciting the guitar. He was just playing some chords, not singing or anything. But as soon as Isai heard him playing, he started singing. Isai knew exactly what song Brent was playing and exactly which part he was at. As he sang, I wanted to cry. It was so incredible! I couldn't help but allow the giant smile that Isai has given me so many times cover my face. I joined in and started singing with him. I looked at him, and we both smiled. He was so happy!

The past few weeks at youth night different people have been sharing their testimony instead of having a lesson. Tonight Barbara and Rosa were going to share. Before they got up to speak, Isai came to the front and shared a few words with the group. He told us that he was in a very bad car accident, but that God has been very faitful. That He has showed him a lot of love and that He wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for Him. He told us that God is amazing and that He has done a lot in his life, that he has a lot to be thanful for. He said that he was very happy to be with us, that he had missed being at youth night a lot.

It made me very happy that he went up and shared. He shared very little, but he shared with his heart, and I know that seeing him and hearing after all he's been through how much he still loves God with His whole heart and gives him ALL the credit, imapacted a lot of the kids. It for sure impacted me.

Rosa was very nervous to share her testimony, but she did great! Rosa has only been a Christian for four months, but God has changed her life in SO many ways since then. She has truly become a different person than before, and she is growing like crazy in her walk with Him. It is SO amazing to watch, and I am so blessed that God has blessed me with the opportunity to not only lead her to Christ, but to disciple her as she begins to grow in her walk with God and discover more about His love. In her testimony she talked a lot about me and Isai and the impact we've had on her life. That we taught her by example and by explaining the questions that she had what true faith in God is. She's only 14, and is a very new Christian, but she is on fire! She lives a very difficult life, but through it all, as she learns to turn to God in the troubled times, she is growing so much! It's incredible to watch, and I'm so thankful that God has blessed me with her as a close friend in my life. She is and will continue to grow to be an outstanding servant of Christ. Hearing from her tonight; her sharing her heart and listening to her as she spoke of her genuine faith in Christ meant the world to me. As she finished her testimony, she thanked Isai for showing her how important it was for her to live her life FULLY for God. Then she looked at me and said "Jess, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you. Thank you." In that moment I realized how much God has really used me in Rosa's life, and I feel blessed beyond compare. God chose to use ME in her life for HIS glory! That right there is why I am a Missionary. Just that one sentence and with all the meaning it has behind it, makes every sacrifice or doubt I've ever experinced for being a missionary dissapear. I was able to be a part of the changing of Rosa's life. It wasn't me who changed her, but God used me to help her change and understand His love, and grow in Him. I am so blessed to serve such an incredible God!

--I love you, Rosa! I'm proud to call you my sister in Christ, and I can't wait to see as God continues to unfold His plan for your life. I know that you are going to make an incredible difference for His kindom, for His glory! Your smile and fun-loving spirit always brightens my day, and knowing that we will forever be connected through Christ brings me more peace and joy than you know. You're amazing, never stop giving God 100% of your life, your joy, your energy and your heart.

Barbara, wow...where to start! I know no one like Barbara. She holds such a special place in my heart, and I love her so so so much. She is such an inspiration in my life, and I admire her so much. The love and joy of Christ shines through her every day, all the time. No matter what. She's been a follower of Christ for three years now, and has grown more than you could imagine. Her heart is like none other, and I love her so much! Tonight as she shared her testimony with us, she was also nervous because like Rosa, it was her first time sharing it with a group of people. But of course, she did great! She shared her heart, and she talked about accepting that God forgives your sins no matter how bad they are. And that once we decide to follow him, we have to cling to his love, John 15:5. She talked about the difficulties that were brought along with her choosing to give her life to Christ.

--Barbie, you're amazing, simply amazing! I am so thankful that God has blessed us with the close friendship that we have. I look up to you for so many things, and I love you more thank you know. I will miss you dearly my friend when I'm away at college, but I know that our closeness will not change, especially because of our faith in Christ that we share. The way you work with the kids at the migrant camp, and the passion you have to serve God...Ah! It's amazing. I love you!

Afterwards everyone ate snacks and hung out, having a good time. I'm SO thankful for the amazing night God blessed us with tonight. I know that He was there with us, and that all the great, impactful, surprising stuff that happened tonight was all Him.

When I got home tonight I was filled with the joy that words cannot fully describe. I walked in the door and told my mom about my evening; I was glowing as I told her with the excitement and joy I was filled with. I turned on a Christian radio station in my room when I got home, and have now been listening to it for hours. Almost every single song that has played has fit in PERFECTLY with what I'm feeling and thinking. I love it! The same with Bible study this week, God is just speaking to me in every way! I absolutely love it, He is teaching me so much!

Lord God, I give you thanks for the day that you blessed me with today. For the little things that you did, for the happiness and surprises that you gave me. I thank you for giving me joy and happiness even during the hard times. I thank you that Isai came to youth group tonight and that he was so happy to be there. I thank you for Barbara and Rosa, for their testimonies about the great things you've done in their lives, and that they shared that with us tonight. I thank you so much for the opportunity you've given me to share your love with Rosa and to be the person that I am in her life. I know that part of the reason you brought me to Mexico, is to share your love with her. Thank you, God.

Heavenly Father I pray that our youth group would continue to grow, and that the youth there would be hungry to learn more about your love. That their hearts would be open to your love, and that they would allow you to become part of them. That they would see they need you, Jesus.

I love you so much, and again, I thank you for giving me a good day. Thank you for reminding me that with you there will ALWAYS be joy, even in the darkest times. That you will help me no matter what kind of trial or hard time I'm going through, no matter what I'm feeling, no matter what joy I'm experiencing, you'll be there. I am proud to be called your daughter, your servant, a tool for you. I'm proud to say that my heart, soul, mind and body belong to you. I stand in awe in all the ways you work, and can't wait to see the many more things you have in store for the future. I love you Jesus. Thank you for being who you are. For loving me and everyone as much as you do. In the name of your precious Son I pray, Amen.

When I got home tonight I was filled with the joy that words cannot fully describe. I walked in the door and told my mom about my evening; I was glowing as I told her with the excitement and joy I was filled with. I turned on a Christian radio station in my room when I got home, and have now been listening to it for hours. Almost every single song that has played has fit in PERFECTLY with what I'm feeling and thinking. Same with Bible study this week....I love it!!

19 Days

It's hard to believe that I only have 19 days left in Mexico before I begin my journey back to Oregon and begin college at Corban University....It seems like just last week we got back from furlough and I was exciteded and anticipating all the summer events ahead. Now our last group is here this week, days after they leave Chad and Kendra make their way home, and just 11 days after that, my family will follow them.
This summer truly has been an unforgettable one! I look over how fast it has gone by and am sad, but only because it's coming to an end. God has done some absolutely incredible things this summer!!

I must admit every day I get a stronger bitter-sweet feeling. I get more sad because I think more about the fact that soon Autlan will no longer be my home, and that I will only come back for Christmas and summer vacation. That my friends will be here, continuing on with life, and I will be far away. I will miss my job at La Roca, our Church, going to the migrant camp, and youth night so, so much. However, the thought that saddens me the most, and that I will definitely miss the most is my family. I try not to think or talk about it too much, because the thought is hard for me to grasp and handle okay. It's going to be really rough.
However, I'm extremely thankful that they will be traveling back to Oregon with me and will be there for the first 6 weeks. Then it will only be about 2 months before I come back to Autlan for Christmas.

I will be staying at my Aunt Marcy and Uncle Tim Baker's house this coming school year in Salem. They live about 5-10 minutes from Corban, and about 3 minutes away from Bethany, my home church, where I will be attending. It will be nice to stay with them, and have my crazy cousins there to help me feel the comforts of home to an extent. :)

I feel like in many areas of my life right now I am living out, or in the process of doing my best to live out James 1:12 which says: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

As I do my best to persevere through the hard times, and rejoice in the happy ones, I know that God will be there at my side through it all, no matter how hard it gets. But that doesn't mean it will be easy. I would appreciate your prayers as I begin this new stage in life, and as I begin to unfold all the wonderful things I am confident God has in store for my life as I take a new step.

Justiano

On the outer part of Autlan, there's a migrant worker camp. About 200 Indian workers live there. Each family gets one small room, and inside, there's hardly anything. The women cook in barrels outside their room, there's only one mens and one womens bathroom that everyone has to share. You have to go and get your own water, garbage is everywhere, kids runaround dirty, with no shoes, and unsupervised as their fathers work in the fields, and their mothers cook.

Going to the migrant worker camp is an eye opening experience, but also a heart breaking one. There's many ways to serve there, but its rough.

Since we moved to Autlan we've gone out there with groups to play with the little kids, give them candy, and try our best to share the love of Christ with them in the process.

The first year or so that I went out there, all the kids looked the same. They would tell me their names, but I couldn't ever remember them, and I'd be lucky if I recognized them from the week before. Not because I didn't care about them, or want to show them that I love them, but because I didn't really know them personally, and I hadn't spent the time to get to know each one of them personally.

About 7 months ago, my mom and Barbara started a womens Bible study on Tuesday afternoons. After we would play with the kids, and through that I began to be able to remember some of the kids names, and begin to get to know some of their personalities on a more personal note. I really enjoyed and was happy that they knew who I was, and looked forward to when I came.

Then, the California group came. One of the main ministries they did intheir time here was they held a VBS for the children at the camp. Beau, Chloe and I were leaders for the 7-9 year olds. We had a group of about 13 kids each day, and I had the greatest time getting to know that group of kids. In no time at all we knew who our two or three trouble makers were, and we knew which ones really were there to listen and wanted to behave. One of those kids, who I could tell was different then the rest from the very beginning was Justiano.

Justiano (left), Salvador (right)

Justiano is 8(?) years old, and has the cutest smile of all time. He's just lost his two front teeth.

He's the oldest in his family, and has two younger brothers. His littlest brother is just 1 year old, and Justiano takes care of him a lot.

At VBS each day we would learn a verse, and Justiano loved it. If we didn't give him his own copy of the verse, so he could read it by himself, he said he couldn't learn it. Once he had his paper he would go off to the side and read it over and over, trying to memorize it. If he couldn't get a part, he would get frustrated with himself, but once he got it down, and recited it to me so he could receive his prize, the pride, joy and contentment that splashed all over his face was indescribably amazing. Each day he would come back and tell us that he had been practicing hisverse all evening in his house, and I knew he really had. He was always the first to say 'thank you', and the most intent listener in story time. He would finish the questions for the teacher if she couldn't get the words out fast enough, and knew the answers to every single one.

Each day, Beau, Chloe and I would fall in love with this amazing little boy more and more.

However the last day of VBS came, and he didn't show up. Beau and Chloe were heart broken they couldn't say goodbye.

Three days after the group left, Barbara was at my house. Her and my mom were talking about the camp, they were talking about a lady that lives at the camp that is a Christian, and that was going to join the study. My mom looked over at me and said "did you know that lady is Justiano's mom?" It took a moment to process it all. Justiano's mom is a Christian. I got the chills. It all made so much sense! I knew he was different from all the other kids, I should have known, how could I have been so blind to the love and joy of Jesus shining so vividly through him?!

Upon hearing that news, I couldn't wait for two things. One, to tell Beau and Chloe. Two, to go back to the camp and see my little brother in Christ, Justiano.

I went to the camp the following day, Tuesday, and when I saw Justiano, my heart filled with happiness. I had missed him a lot. I went over and start ed talking with him, and told him how sad Beau and Chloe were that they couldn't say goodbye. I had made a picture that said "Beau and Chloe are cool! We miss you a lot, come back soon!" I asked him if he would sign his name on the picture, and if I could take his photo with it to send to them. The kids around himwere listening, and they all looked at him like he was the luckiest boy in the world. He started giggling with joy, and buried his face in his picture he was coloring. I asked him if that was okay, and he nodded his head. I could tell he was overjoyed.

Today, I went back to the camp and was super, super excited to see Justiano again. I had missed him even more this week! All the boys were out on the soccer field shooting goals and playing keep away. I immediately started searching for him when I got out there. It didn't take me long to find him, and of course, when I saw him, he was smiling. I called out his name to say hello, and he glanced over at me and kind of smiled but continued to play. I got a little sad thinking he must not have missed me as much as I missed him.

About a minute later, a ball comes rolling towards me with an energetic Justiano running behind it. He had kicked it towards me on purpose, and was coming over to play with me. That sadness went away in an instant, and before I knew it, the two of us were playing against two other boys. He was adorable to watch run after the soccer ball and try his hardest to kick it back to me, and not let the other boys get it. After a while we had to stop playing because it was time for story. As we began to walk back towards the houses, I gave him a high-five and told him we definitely won. I told him he was great at soccer, and he looked at me with a huge smile and said, "really?!" I said, "yes, of course, you're awesome" and he never looked more happy.

We made our way back to the cement court and sat down for story time. He ran over to the area where the women wash their clothes, and came back with his little brother in his hands. He sat down holding him, and listened intently to the story. Even though his little brother is just one year old though, he's like half as big as Justiano. I could tell he was kind of uncomfortable holding him, so I walked over and told Justiano I would hold his brother for him, so he could listen to the story. His baby brother had fallen asleep in Justiano's arms, so I gently picked him up.

I stayed standing in Justianos sight for a long while, but my arms eventually got tired. I went about 10 feet away and sat down. About two minutes after I sat down, Justiano stood up and started looking for me. He was checking to make sure his baby brother was close and that Iwas still taking care of him. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen.

Holding Justiano's little brother, I couldn't stop staring at him. He looks a lot like his brother, and was just so cute, and peaceful sleeping in my arms. I prayed for him, and enjoyed every second I was holding him.

After a while, Justiano's mom came over and took the precious baby back to their room to sleep. I was sad that she took him. I could have held him for hours.

I didn't want to bother Justiano, but I couldn't stay away from him. I wanted to talk with him, and get to know him more every moment I was there. I went and sat next to him as he colored his picture. As soon as I sat down and started talking with him, I could tell he liked that I was with him.

I told him about Beau and how much he had told me that he misses him. The same smile that he had the week before when I asked him to take a picture, came back on his face immediately. I told him all about what Beau had told me about him, and he felt like he was a king. He felt loved, and that's what it's all about. I asked him if he wanted me to tell Beau anything for him, and he didn't say anything for a moment. I asked him if he did, and he said yes. But when I asked what he wanted me to tell him, he got shy and wouldn't say, but still had his amazing smile on his face.

I asked him if he wanted to think about it for a little bit, and he said yes.

About five minutes later, I went back and sat next to him again. I asked him if he had thought about what he wanted me to tell "Bob Esponja" as they called him at the camp. He giggled and said he didn't know. I started to tickle him and said that I knew he did. I decided to help him get started, knowing that if I told him a few things he could say to him, he would join in and say what he was really thinking; what I knew he wanted to say, but was just too shy to tell me. I asked him if he wanted to tell him that he misses him, and he said yes. Then I asked if he wanted to tell him that every time he watched Sponge Bob if it reminds him of him, and he saidyes. And then he said "and tell him that I'm asking all the time when he's going to come back." My heart melted. I said that I would for sure tell him. I could tell he was super happy that he decided to tell me what he was really thinking. I was too. He had finished coloring and all of a sudden got super excited. He looked at me and held out his paper, shaking it with excitement. Give this to him! he said! I said, okay, but you have to write your name on it. He wrote his name with pride, and handed me the paper to give to Beau with a giant smile on his face.

God has placed Justiano on my heart, and I can't get enough of him! He captures and makes my heart melt. He's only like 8 years old, but he's incredible! He's adorable and set apart. I pray that as he grows up he will continue to be set apart from the world, and continue in his walk with God.

My heart breaks thinking that soon I won't be able to see him each week. See his smile, hear his laugh and watch him live life with the constant joy that he has, despite the extremely hard life he lives. I will miss him dearly when I'm away at college, but I'm confident that we will one day spend eternity in Heaven together, and nothing can give me more peace and joy than that.

I never thought God could teach me so much from one little boy, that lives in a migrant worker camp in a small town in Mexico. I'm so thankful that God has given me the opportunity to get to know Justiano, become his friend, and allow him to change my life. That he has taught me all that he has. I love you Justiano!!!